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Why Are You So Set on Killing You? (Demos 25​-​29)

by Paul Ventura

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1.
Jens 03:49
jen don't wear my diamond ring and she don't come round when i sing and she don't think the things i think and i'm in love with her yeah they're all joking you're with me you played along talked family and now you're sleeping next to me we're seeing I 2 I yeah (prechorus) jumping ahead said i'm the only one left i hadn't seen you in 2 years how could you see me like that? can't believe she don't get it so far off there's nothing left save for a little voice that's screaming somewhere deep in my head it's asking why are you so set on killing you? (chorus) cos now she wears his diamond ring i can't escape her when i sing and it's been six years to the day since i spoke with her yeah and other girls they took your place but you're the one that got away i went up north one saturday and took a call in the hallway and now i'm bleeding in the street though it was only two weeks saw just enough to ruin me and made my mind up that i'd leave i walked away so you'd miss me but that's a losing game (prechorus) jumping ahead said i'm the only one left i hadn't seen you in 2 years how could you see me like that? can't believe she don't get it so far off there's nothing left save for a little voice that's screaming somewhere deep in my head demanding why are you so set on killing you? (chorus) (solo) (chorus) cos now she wears his diamond ring i can't escape her when i sing and it's been six years to the day since i spoke with her yeah you're sleeping in the space between you'll stop at two like me someday and now i'm driving on that street why did you run after me? and other girls they took your place but you're the one that got away
2.
so i made my way to you battled through a sea of fools while their eyes sealed on you caught every move seems i was captured too fought a star bright but confused though his light would find her soon and i reached your threshold with my blindfold made you laugh i was doomed now the road looks gold and green since they came to drink for free and my fears have set in strong still selfish lights aren't ours to keep and the time's reminding me through the years so stubbornly we're too young for staying old for leaving time won't remember me so romantics would assume that the sun should set with you now i tread so lightly hold so tightly don't know what else to do and i know i'm right to leave yes i know i'm right to leave we're too young for staying old for saving time must remember me
3.
Find Us East 03:43
i was selling salt to lonely you i was hiding out in your bedroom with the colors somewhere on the water i'd save you heard a second voice and i lost you i'm a setting sun who fears the moon with just time enough to watch you bloom it's only natural where you've been going and you'll say things i never knew and they took all the lights from round me they were for you (chorus) shanny can we find us east tonight say it's all right say it's all right shanny can we find us east tonight say it's all right yeah it's all right i was selling salt and got the news i've dying out so far from you (chorus) (post script) the time will come and we'll be erased nothing to keep nothing to save but these last few days have woke me up they keep me going they keep me strong they keep me hoping and i know that in the end it'll be you and me on top of it all
4.
the moon is coming out for us a witness as she slips away but no one comes along to take her place and to the stars in vain i say i'm afraid i'm going to stay there's a shop we'd meet on the corner i've passed 97 times at least but a desperate situation is better than none just give me a reason to breathe <you look rested you look better you look all right since you left me and i was holding on for something what an end for you and me> (chorus) tonight you drew a line through me and made it clear for all to see tonight i'll take what you will leave and ride it to obscurity now you could say it's all for sympathy the victim as she slides away or stocking up in vain for a rainy day well that's for you to say it's left for me to lead and i could give at least a million reasons of why you are the girl and this the scene and one by one they'll fall away all on their own just give me something i can need <you look rested you look better you look good since you left me and i was hoping you'd be something i got right just once to keep> (chorus)
5.
she is not used to indoor living she is not used to living for anyone i have a wallet with her number i call her up maybe once a month (prechorus) and she is not my girlfriend i am not her boyfriend and she is not my good friend she is not my girlfriend (chorus) lay me on the table put flowers in the window cos i've been dying off in the sun save me all the trouble of trying hard for something if i'm not gonna be anyone she is not used to this attention i write her songs but they are never enough she's always falling on her problems she comes around maybe once a month (prechorus) and she is not my girlfriend i am not her boyfriend and she is not my good friend do i even know her (chorus) lay me on the table put flowers in the window cos i've been dying off in the sun save me all the trouble of trying hard for something if i'm not gonna be anyone and she could solve all my problems without her even trying but it's not worth it for her to come and we know we're good for nothing an awful pair my darling but i can't function when you are gone (solo) (chorus) lay me on the table put flowers in the window cos i've been dying off in the sun save me all the trouble of killing me for nothing if i'm not gonna be anyone and she could solve all my problems without her even trying but it's not worth it for her to come and we know we're good for nothing an awful pair my darling but i can't function when you are gone
6.
As a Man 03:46
knew a man always said just get out while you can stand and his words always hung round my head that was fine until when you rushed in i'm on my head now you're playing the victim again (prechorus) and i know you get off to sympathy and i know that you're wrong about why i came but i couldn't pick out why you have stayed close to me every day up til now (chorus) baby sorry i know i let you down but don't go thinking i could change now baby i'm sorry i know it now i let you down over and over til now as a man always said i'd get out while i can stand but the water's been sealing both ends thought it best up and left without words i never said and i left you here guessing again (prechorus) but i know you don't live and die by me maybe you don't get off at the sight of me but i keep going back still insisting that we play this roulette that takes everything (chorus) (bridge) someday has come between us someday is all i need someday has come and it's left me wondering everything (chorus) baby sorry i know i let you down and the word has been getting around baby i'm sorry i know it now i let you down and won't stop until we hit the ground we hit the ground
7.
their wedding day has been in vein lost in that planning it seems they forgot something the phone will ring we've been away her father's savings are all gone lost in a day (prechorus) i never had much more than you (chorus) go on beauty queen you're less with me so take your leave cos they need you they need you too somewhere in between you'll smile at me and then i'll see that i need you i need you too it's not you me you said to me i'm lonely, stoned, sacrificing won't back away (prechorus) we danced too slowly like we knew the end (chorus) (bridge) there'll never be another you and me like that you'll take yourself to someone and i can't come back we can't go back (chorus) so long beauty queen you're less with me so take your leave cos they need you they need you too somewhere in between you'll smile at me and sad i'll see that i need you i need you too yeah i need you i need you too
8.
so we headed home passed the sites we saw last night passed what made the world we used to know and we lost each one every sign that meant something one by one was gone lost to the dark (chorus) i am not ready to see the world this way and in this light i feel me slipping don't care if it's all in my mind the ground is getting softer with each mile and while heading home passed the point of no return following the guide we've used before and it's not your fault to want something that you can hold the difference in a closed and open door (chorus) i am not ready to build the world without you on my own i hear you breathing that buys me time to think of how if i've a chance to turn this all around (solo) (bridge) let's take this slowly to make this last while we have us alone fell short this evening just smart enough to know the words not strong enough to say them in a line (chorus) i am not ready to build the world without you on my own i hear you breathing that buys me time to think of how if i've a chance to turn this all around stay awake this once to see the road
9.
there's gotta be some kind of beautiful speak to say i'm not the one for you there's gotta be some words to hold you in your sleep that say i don't love you in the least (prechorus) but she leads me all the way home and she doesn't mind my way home but i gotta let you know (chorus) no one is killing you no one is saving you no one will make or break your day no one is calling now no one is laughing now don't want to make or break a day i was a kid in the 1990's with hand drawn backgrounds in my sleep and i always hid in 8-bit rock n roll dreams don't know exactly what that means (prechorus) but she's not the one that i saw and she floats to close to this earth now i gotta let you go (chorus) (bridge) but she leads me all the way home and she's not the one that i saw now i gotta let you go (chorus)
10.
it's never gonna happen so put that thought out your head tonight but i know that won't happen so let me hear your plan this time i do this thing where i think of you when a song or drive catches my mood something takes me to a better time but here's the rub not one frame's true we had some time and then you grew still i could chase your ghost for my whole life while knowing nothing real is worth my time (chorus) so if it's never gonna happen then the thought of you will have to get me by and if it's never gonna happen then the way you look tonight could end my life no i'll be fine nothing really matters when you're on boot jack at night you don't know i always meant to have you see it through my eyes me and my friends we're something else we put a record on and we paint the town a different drug to make me see the light then i wake up a rested fool and relapse right back into you i say i don't want this for my whole life but for the moment this will do me fine (chorus) (bridge) no one's gonna bring me back to this earth on their own without telling me why anyone would want to come back down we're gonna hang around until we know there's nothing else i guess that's going to have to do for now (chorus) so if it's never gonna happen then the thought of you will have to get me by and if it's never gonna happen then the way you look tonight could end my life yeah the way you look tonight will end my life no i'll be fine
11.
i was alone i wasn't broke but i knew something would fall when my vast imagination it was my only hope reading more from distant letters and that color scheme bait the fine in time's have all been fine so long as nobody waits i can savor all the memories and i can wait 'til they come back to me it's a curse when i confide (chorus) i wrote a little song but then it went a little long i think i lost you somewhere there between the fourth chorus and last bridge and this is a last ditch and it didn't take did it? you can take me home i guess i thought i was alone now was getting close or so i'm told but i knew they'd never know all the weight of expectations putting on a show keeping time by those ahead of me and no accounting for tastes the fine in times worked at the time if no one thought to retrace all the touched up tinted memories and i'll sing if they don't come back to me it's for worse when i confide (chorus) i was alone i wasn't broke but i knew something would fall

about

"Why Are You So Set on Killing You (Demos 25-29)" is my debut record. It consists of songs which I wrote and recorded between the ages of 25 and 29. These are songs which I always casually intended to be released under my own name, separate from all of my other projects. As the title suggests, it took me quite a few years to finally get it together and officially release it. Also as the title suggests, the production is a bit rougher on this, but I like the energy I captured in both the recordings as well as the songs themselves.

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released October 14, 2016

All songs written, recorded, and produced by Paul Ventura. Copyright 2016 Paul Ventura. All rights reserved.

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Paul Ventura Washington, D.C.

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